o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
