how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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