finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
