Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
