My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
