are you so shy because you have an std?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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