I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
