They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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