Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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