3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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