Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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