i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
