I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Im part way to drunk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
