I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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