I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
