Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
