So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
