Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
