4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
