I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
