On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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