Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
