yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
