I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
