oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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