New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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