jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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