She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
