tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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