dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
