Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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