I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
