Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
