I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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