she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
