I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
