i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
