'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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