So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
