Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hate all girls vehemently.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
