You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
