He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its liver damage thursday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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