My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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