Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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