Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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