I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
