My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
