DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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