I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
