Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
