She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
