Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
