You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
