Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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