Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
