A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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