he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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