We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You smell like a Billy Joel song
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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