We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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