Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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