this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
