I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
