Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
