Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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