You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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