i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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