totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
