i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize