he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
