Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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