You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
