Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
