we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Mom said you looked used
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
