So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
