apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
