I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize