The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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