i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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