Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize