so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
