she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
