if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
