my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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