so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
