I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
