oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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