she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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