Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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