Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
