What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
